Christopher Denham’s Penis

Sorry Jason; sorry Sheila: Howard Kissel’s New York Daily News review of Red Light Winter is fair and on point. I’ve seen the show, so let me add: Lisa Joyce looks very pretty when she’s being raped.

That’s an awful thing to say! But who is the director who treats the first act like one long strip tease? Who is the writer who makes Joyce’s implausible character (out of all her pseudonyms “the whore” is the most accurate and the most polite) a laughingstock—especially in her final moments? Jason, in Sheila’s comments, answers his own question:

Has Adam Rapp gone over to the dark side of creepy he-man-woman-hater playwrights?

Has he ever!

More importantly, Red Light Winter give us some penis! Christopher Denham’s penis! Since no one else wants to objectify him, I guess it’s up to me.

Denham does have a very beautiful penis. He’s cut with a bulbous head. Really bulbous! It’s like he’s swinging around a golf ball on the end of that thing!

Unfortunately, we only get to see him partly aroused, not erect. I don’t know if that’s entirely in character, but it’s certainly part of the staging. Boring; I’m sick of seeing flaccid penises on stage!

And even at half-mast, it’s obvious that Denham has a much bigger penis than…other skinny white guys with bad facial hair….

But here’s the thing: right after Denham reveals his equipment, the play shows his character to be extremely bad in bed. Unrealistically bad—if he wasn’t erect when he got on that bed, how can he be finished already? Whatever you think of Denham’s naked body, in terms of the plot he’s being offered up for ridicule.

It isn’t like the rest of the play is charitable, either: Red Light Winter sees Denham huddled in a corner, looking ridiculous for an entire act—until it’s time to whip out his massive johnson. Similarly, the play makes Joyce look ridiculous each time she opens her mouth; it’s just different lies in different accents. At least when she’s naked she doesn’t talk.

Yes, their acting talents are wasted by Red Light Winter. But nothing can take away from their natural endowments. Denham, Joyce: shake what your mammas gave you.

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11 Responses to Christopher Denham’s Penis

  1. Jason Grote says:

    Mike, I’m sorry you got cut from the blogroll. I think I cut you and Mac Rogers by accident and then didn’t realize. I shall make amends this weekend.

    And we’re all objectifying Rachel Corrie now, just to keep you up to speed.

  2. Mike Mariano says:

    A little bit of searching reveals that the right wing forums have already written everything possible about My Name Is Rachel Corrie—even before its London debut a year ago. Every “I’d hit it—with a bulldozer!” joke has been exhausted. Every “Alan Rickman really is a terrorist!” accusation has been made. There have even been endorsements of Soylent Green-style “The scoops are on the way!” mass bludgeonings of her fellow “terrorist sympathizers.”

    The right wing crowd has beaten me to all my jokes. Except they’re not joking.

  3. Anonymous says:

    wow I was sad and now I’m laughing, I especially like the “he’s uncut with a bulbous head”! found this site while google searching. Lisa Joyce is beautiful. Christopher Denham is gorgeous. But these are not the only reasons to see the play.

  4. Anonymous says:

    I knew one of these naked people back in high school, and let me tell you….Christopher Denham was always gorgeous (and a heck of a great person, too) and right now I could kick my own booty for letting him get away! And just so we can log information away for later, I too found this article while googling. Behold, the power of Google!

  5. Anonymous says:

    i’m the first googler, and this is an addendum: he is a great guy. the second googler is correct, and i suppose i could say im kicking my own ass too. i checked back to see if you had made the correction Mike, and I am pleased, still laughing.

  6. Anonymous says:

    I found this site while googling too. Anyway, you have peeked my interest…. was he cut or was he not cut? It said one thing before and now it says another. Just pure curosity… let me know what ya saw.

  7. Mike Mariano says:

    I first thought our dear Christopher was uncircumsized, but further (non-website) discussion convinced me that I was probably mistaken. I then revised this entry.

    I guess if Denham is ever accused of anything Michael Jackson-esque, I will be a completely unreliable witness.

  8. Anonymous says:

    This is the 2nd googler again (comment 4)…. I was happy to see that someone else was aware that he is a great guy, and reading through the rest of the comments, I too was intrigued…what was meant by “further non-website” discussion?

  9. Mike Mariano says:

    E-mail exchanges with friends and other Googlers. We just can’t stop talking about penis.

  10. Anonymous says:

    I guess when you find a good one to talk about, you should jump on it (not meant the way it sounds, I swear!)

  11. Pingback: In Search Of: Onstage Erections! | Mike Mariano

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