Plays I Won’t Write In 2006

Come on; let’s be honest. I haven’t fulfilled any of my New Year’s Resolutions since I began making them. So instead of listing my (unambitious) goals for the year, I’ll give you what I should write, but I won’t:

• The Egypt Play—I told you I’d have the first act of this full-length done by now. I lied, but not by as much as I thought I did. I’ve drafted most of the first act, and the play is not as pointless as I feared it might be. You may indeed see it on the site very soon. But don’t hold your breath.
• It Takes a Nation of Norwegians to Hold Us Back!—This is the full title of the one-act Ibsen parody I’ve been telling you about for months. I completed a first draft and began a second, but I simply cannot pump any life into this thing. Perhaps making it a plausible sequel to An Enemy of the People is too constraining. Either way, I don’t know if I’ll be able to make it a suitable one-act.
• Washington’s Crossing—A short, silly one-act that I have all the jokes for anyway. But every time I pick it up I botch it.
• The Aladdin Play—Here we go. This will be a full-length retelling of Aladdin with an emphasis on the Genies. Will it be an indictment of monotheism? A love story? Something with modern day relevance? It is certainly an ambitious project—which is why I’ll never write it.
• Singapore—How will America’s wealthy protect themselves during a national catastrophe—even if it’s one of their own making? This is still all in my head, but if I write it, Singapore will be a full-length play illustrating the before-and-after of disaster planning of the top one percent. I said if.

Come back in a year. Who knows, maybe there’ll even be something to read.