- Begin with an attack on the conventions of the fourth wall. No one’s ever done that before!
- Make an awkward introduction and insult the audience.
- Quickly temper with self-deprecating remarks.
- Add grandiose gesture of universal significance. (Make sure it contains no actual universal significance.)
- Begin hypothetical story about a child growing up.
- Make it clear this child is you.
- Segue into awkward details of your sex life.
- By now your audience is bored. Tell them they are bored.
- More insults.
- Rob your non-hypothetical child of his/her innocence.
- More sex life.
- More childhood.
- Use both to ask a basic question about existence.
- Don’t answer it.
- Add profanity to taste.
Congratulations! Now you’re a theatre genius!
Don’t Believe Me?
I recommend reading Eno’s monologues Thom Pain, Lady Grey, and Mr. Theatre in that order, as published. I did so a month ago and was inspired to jot the following:
Like pulling a quarter out of your ear and dropping it down a sewer grate. Then saying “I meant to do that.”
If your reputation as a genius playwright is based upon your tendency to pretend to fail, then fail again, then fail repeatedly, can you ever not succeed?