Record Exchange Girls vs. Bent Spoon Girls

Dear women of the Princeton Record Exchange:

I’m sorry, but you aren’t my secret crush anymore. I’m leaving you for the ladies of The Bent Spoon.

I’ll remember you all fondly. No matter how many RuPaul CD singles or unreleased William Shatner movies I brought to the counter, and no matter how many times I had you run empty searches of your inventory for Dannii Minogue, you never brought down the hammer of indie condescension. You showed me the patience of saints; blessed are those who buy Fred Schneider solo albums. Plural.

And while a general regard for my existence is really all I ask for in a girl, I must still move on. You may fill my heart, but you cannot fill my stomach. That’s why my secret longing—and all of my cash—now belongs to the smiling women of The Bent Spoon. Their “European-style” hot chocolate—complete with a giant marshmallow square—saw me through a bitter winter. As did their chocolate chunk cookies, which I continue to purchase into the summer in spite of their increased price. And though I make surprisingly few purchases of their ice cream, every so often I go giddy over their dark chocolate milkshakes. I’m sorry, but you just can’t compete with women who encourage me to devour my own weight in sugar.

So congratulations, Bent Spoon Girls; you now have the everlasting love of a man who spends most evenings asleep on the couch with a half-eaten bag of dry pasta in one arm and a stuffed animal in the other. I love all of you equally, except for the girl with pink streaks in your hair. I love you more.

And when I gorge myself into a diabetic coma, rest assured I’ll slip under thinking of you.

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2 Responses to Record Exchange Girls vs. Bent Spoon Girls

  1. the bent spoon girls says:

    hi. we are having a party and one of us stumbled upon this site in a periodic “bent spoon” google search. kristin (the girl with the pink streaks) is flattered and intrigued by your unusually intelligent and attractive language. we hope you will keep coming in for treats. and will maybe reveal yourself at some point in the future?? until then, we will wink at everyone who orders a chocolate shake or a chocolate chunk cookie.

  2. Mike Mariano says:

    I was in the store Saturday afternoon, in fact. I wore a Yale t-shirt and purchased a pint of Chocolate Mint Cookie ice cream. A whole pint. Like any good addict, the smaller doses don’t do anything for me anymore. Kristin (who appears not to have pink in her hair anymore) was in the back, frosting cupcakes.

    I guess my secret crush is not so secret anymore, so the next time I’m in Palmer Square I’ll have to say something. Unless I wuss out.

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