Mike Mariano

Come on, our man Henrik’s not that ugly.

But who’s depicting the playwright in the film Planet Mariano?

You guessed it: Mario Cantone.

Bonus Trivia: An Internet search reveals that no one has called Mr. Cantone on his flub Sunday night while nominating female rappers “Little Eve and Kim” for fake Tony awards. I’m sure both Lil’ Kim and Eve were taken aback by this misspeech, while MC Lyte was devastated not to be nominated at all. Shame on you, Mr. Cantone!

I finished a draft of Zenyatta Piñata last night. (So we’re keeping score correctly, that makes a draft of Zenyatta Piñata, a first draft of the Platonic Philosopher Kings, and a super-expanded Jack, Wanda, and Ben that I’m holding back from you.) Right now it ends on such an awful note. Like Muggled, it’s a sick joke with the joke removed. I don’t find anything funny in ZP. And I like it that way. It’s right now a ten-minute play. Should I add more to it? I definitely have more material, but I don’t think it would add anything new. You may see it soon.

After subsequent drafts of Zenyatta Piñata and Philosopher Kings, the next play will likely be a one-act Ibsen parody. The Ibsen play, Philosopher Kings, and Menage a Sartre may all fit together as a evening of one-acts.

Does this amalgamation count as the full-length play I promised you in January? No! One-acts are one-acts, no matter how I group them. Yet apart from Now Departing, I have only one modest idea for a full-length play. And the only line of dialogue I have so far is “Tutan-cummin’ on her Nefer-titties.”

Comparatively, I suppose that’s a good start.

“Ladies and gentlemen, I don’t think any of our contestants this evening have succeeded in encapsulating the intricacies of Proust’s masterwork, so I’m going to award the first prize this evening to the girl with the biggest tits.”

Just to be fair, let’s take a look at the other Featured Actresses….

• Joanna Gleason—Nope.
• Celia Keenan-Bolger—Not in those overalls, honey.
• Jan Maxwell—Let’s stop for a minute. What the heck is this show about?
• Kelli O’Hara—What a pretty dress! But I don’t see any cleavage.

Sara Ramirez wins!