Harold Perrineau, Jr.

I just returned home from seeing an absolutely abysmal film, and I don’t think you need to click the following link to guess what it is. And I also don’t think I need to explain why it ended up this way.

Except for one thing.

The filmmakers made the mistake of letting Harold Perrineau, Jr. stay alive.

The first time I saw Mr. Perrineau was in the David Mamet film The Edge, which I was surprised to find Rebecca Pidgeon-free. At one point in this film, three men find themselves trapped in the Alaskan wilderness. They are:

  1. Anthony Hopkins
  2. Alec Baldwin
  3. The Black Guy

Which of these men is most likely to be eaten by a bear?

We know now that “the black guy” in question is Mr. Perrineau, and indeed, he was the first casualty in this group.

But his untimely expirations did not end there. The next Perrineau film I saw (released earlier than The Edge, actually) was Baz Luhrmann’s Romeo and Juliet, in which he played Mercutio.

Those of you that don’t need to Brush Up on Your Shakespeare know that the first character to die is our young Mercutio. This time, instead of being eaten by a bear, he gets stabbed by John Leguizamo!

Apparently Mr. Perrineau was also on OZ. I’m not sure if his character died (oh, it says it right here on the link), but I can’t imagine his was a pleasant experience.

So that brings us back to tonight’s film. If you remember the previous chapter, Mr. Perrineau told his wife that even though he was going into a hopeless battle against man-eating machines, he would return home to be with her. I nearly set a stopwatch at that moment, ready to take bets for his all-but-gauranteed spot in his own personal death pool.

But that bet could never be collected. Mr. Perrineau lived. Through both the film this summer and the film tonight.

And that’s the real flaw with this film. Not that it traded in its philosphizin’ and its skilled kung-fu in exchange for robots and, uh, more robots. But that it does not make use of Harold Perrineau, Jr.’s main talent.

To die.

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