No Antonio

After seeing this article on, suddenly six years of self-amused non-sequituring came to a collapse.

In high school, I remember seeing petitions created to let whoever owns the rights to Phantom of the Opera know that true fans would not let Antonio Banderas, the most famous Spaniard of the 1990s, ruin the movie version of the musical. “No Antonio in Phantonio.” I was amused by the adamant demands, even moreso when I found they were based on rumors. “We hear that you will be creating a movie version of Phantom. If you do, we, the undersigned, ask you to please keep Antonio Banderas out of the film. Love us, that’s all we ask of you.”

Since the Phantom movie was seemingly only in production in the heads of deluded petitioners, I enjoyed taking on their personas in conversation. “Of course I’m a fan of musicals! I signed that petition to keep Antonio Banderas out of Phantom!” “If we don’t stop this ‘Desperado’ from becoming the Phantom, there’s no way the show will run as long as Cats!” This petition was the perfect symbol for every Titanic-soundtrack crying party participant—the socially-unacceptable dork hiding under many serious musical fans. Since I am no such fan, I enjoyed calling forth this image, destroying any musical debate.

Over half a decade passed, and now I can’t even tell the difference between Phantom and Jekyll and Hyde. But now it seems the paranoid petitioners were attuned to the right rumors; the original Phantom Menace, Antonio B., is ready to don the Lon Chaney mask. Now a new flurry of petitions will commence, and people might start taking the petitioners seriously. My comments are now a little less off-topic. Who wants that?

P.S.: Mad props to the latest Onion headline: Congress Accidentally Approves Arts Funding.

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