Juice Box

I…I don’t have many complaints in life, but there are just some things that really…get my goat. You know, little things that make no sense whatsoever and really mess with your day. And little, specifically, is my problem. Take a look at this.

(Pulling out a small juice box, but not showing it to the audience yet.)

I don’t know if you’re familiar with juice boxes; they had an advertising campaign for them a few years back. But I’ll fill you in. They’re these small plastic coated boxes that hold fruit punch and other fake juices. Kids bring them with lunch to school; I don’t know.

The things were never that big, anyway. It was half the size of a can of soda. These things wouldn’t quench a gerbil’s thirst! Well, anyway, some genius came up with the idea of making these juice boxes smaller!

(Holds up the small juice box.)

Smaller!! And these things are half the size of the normal juice boxes. I know when I want something to drink I don’t want more than four or five sips; I mean, really!

And another thing that “gets my goat” is this! Here, read the top of this box, this apple juice box. It says, “Juice Concentrates from USA, Hungary, and Germany.” Three countries! They waste countless hours and dollars collecting apples from three different countries!

And the stupidest thing about this…

(pause)

…is that the juice from one apple, from one country, would be more than enough to fill this stupid box!